A couple of weeks ago, after returning from an event in Baltimore, I created a blog post about “Bringing it all together“…integrating change when returning home after a highly transformational event. This post brought up a lot of great conversation and sharing…strategies, ideas, insights, and with it emerged a deeper question…What about returning to loved ones who have not gone through the transformational process and have not changed while you were gone?
This is such an important piece as it is a reality each of us face at different stages of our transformational journeys.
There is something pretty amazing that happens at transformational events…we are seen…and we see. We see ourselves, we see others, we see our relationships, we see what’s working, what’s not working, we see a new vision for ourselves, and we see the most sacred parts of ourselves. Seeing and being seen in this way changes us forever…and it is what gives us the courage to change what needs to change.
As we grow and change, stepping more into our wholeness there are often questions about what will happen in our primary relationships. We often wonder if our loved ones will be able to see us differently or if their vision of us will be limited to who we were in the past. This can trigger a lot of hidden fears and even pull us back into patterns we’ve left behind.
I remember returning from one of the first transformational events I attended with serious questions about how this was going to impact my marriage. It was 2007 and I was attending the first of 9 weeklong shamanic training classes I was planning to take over the next year and a half. Chris, my husband, fully supported my being there…but in that short week I felt like my world completely turned over. My intention for taking that program radically shifted from one of personal growth to a recognition that this was a path I am meant to walk. As I drove home, all I could think was how on earth am I going to explain this to Chris?…and at the same time I wondered ‘How am I going to walk this path?’
I honestly don’t remember how I explained it to him…but I do know that conversation has shaped how we have come together after every workshop and travel since. I’m a bit of a sacred travel and transformation junkie, so there have been a lot…including trips to Peru, solo cross-country road trips and camping trips, writers workshops, deep dive intensives with my mentors, yoga events, more yoga events, gem shows, and so much more.
Since that May 2007 workshop Chris and I have found a way to navigate through many transformations…not just for me, but for him too. It’s been pretty amazing and as I write these words I find myself in complete awe of how different our life is now than it was when we married 10 years ago (our 10 year anniversary is actually this week)…it actually brings tears to my eyes. I feel so blessed. I think learning how to move through change and transformation has really deepened our relationship.
Here are some of our thoughts on how to move through such changes within your own relationships…
1. Keep it sacred. I just love that phrase. Transformation is a sacred process. Often, when the light goes on and we see the world differently, we want to tell the world. In fact, I’m often so excited about what I’ve discovered that I just want to share it with everyone one I know and love. But part of this process is learning what to keep sacred…it is learning to share only with those who are ready to hear with love, true presence, and hold it sacred with you. Sharing too much can create fear and that fear can actually interfere with your ability to fully receive the transformation. Be patient with your partner and trust that they will be ready.
2. Timing. So often when we transform we want everyone else to change with us. It is so important to remember that their timing is very different than yours. Remember they did not take the same journey, so it’s really not fair to expect them to leap with you. Give your loved one the time and space they need to make their next natural change (and remember that their next natural change is not always the change you think they need)…so be patient and loving as they change in their own time.
3. Continue to see yourself…and let yourself be seen. Don’t hide who you’ve come to discover yourself to be. No, your loved ones may not be ready to see this version of you…but they never will if you keep her hidden. Find some way to express her every day. This could be in the way you walk, wearing a brightly colored scarf, choosing different foods, taking time for meditation or being in nature, spending less time with things that no longer match you and creating more time for things that make you sing.
4. Live your Path. Your loved ones don’t need to know the details of your transformation…They just need to see you happy, to see you stepping in and living your path. Your living your path is what inspires others to do what they need to do to live their path. It’s really that simple. So go ahead and enjoy your new way of being. If they want to know details, they will ask. And when they ask remember to honor where they are, stretch them a bit and keep the rest of the details sacred.
5. Trust in the power of your gravity. When you change, your center of gravity becomes stronger. It begins to vibrate on a different and higher frequency. When this happens, everyone in your life will be energetically invited to match your frequency. Staying in your gravitational center maintains that frequency and it creates the space for others to elevate too.
We share this from our hearts to yours and hope these pieces are helpful for you!
We would love to hear any of your strategies…please share them in the comment section below.
Lori & Chris
What amazing insights to a problem that many people don’t address. Thanks for sharing this amazing wisdom.
Beautiful post Lori and Congratulations to both.
I’ve been with an amazing partner for 21 years and I really value what you’ve shared here. There’s always give and take and conversation about where “we’re headed” even though sometimes it’s one or the other that is experiencing their own unique shifts. With a teen son, there’s another member of our tribe also shifting leaps and bounds, and that’s been a wild experience for me as a woman in my Fifties!
Regular tribe circles make a huge difference and they’re pretty fun, too. 🙂
Thank you for sharing a bit of your journey and offering important points for staying grounded and keeping it *sacred* along the way.
Much love. ~T.