I was recently invited to participate in an event that literally made my heart leap with excitement.
This event is something I have been a part of in different capacities for several years, but this invitation shifted my involvement to a whole new level. It would stretch me beyond what is comfortable and give me an opportunity to share myself on even deeper levels.
This invitation was exciting. It was thrilling. And I truly felt a deep sense of honor. Yet when it came time to say “YES!” I paused and I asked for time to decide.
I almost could not believe I asked for time. My heart already knew the answer, but there were a couple factors coming forward for me.
1. Money . . . This always seems to show up as a bit of a challenge when I am ready to expand.
2. Timing . . . The timing for this event was less than ideal. It fit in my calendar, but not with as much ease as I was hoping.
I let both of those reasons give me pause. These are really common excuses we offer when presented an opportunity to grow and the funny thing is that I kind of have a rule around using money or time as an objection. My rule is that money and time are unacceptable excuses . . . if this is truly aligned, if it will truly support my growth, the money will show up and the time will open even if I do not see how.
Knowing my rules, I did everything I could to come up with different reasons why this was not a good choice for me. And as I did the weight of the money got heavier and the amount of my investment kept climbing. It was really interesting. As the number climbed I would say, “well, then it is just not meant to be.” My heart broke a bit, but I was feeling ok. I was feeling like this gave me an out. I could say ‘no’ without dealing with the other stories and beliefs that were also popping up. I could pretend they were not there. I could pretend the part of me that was feeling insecure and under qualified and inadequate was not really an issue. I could pretend that ‘no’ was my best choice. I felt ok with saying no to this amazing opportunity. But even as I write that phrase I was ok saying no to this amazing opportunity I laugh at myself. I feel the conflict within it.
The part of me that was fearful with regards to time and money knew those were not good enough excuses and searched for other excuses. I made a huge list of reasons why this was not so fantastic. They were all really good reasons. Yet at the same time I just felt unsettled . . . a part of my heart was still saying yes.
I have come to know that when I am in such a place of indecision I need to surrender and open space for support. Not the type of support where I invite everybody’s opinions because that just adds to my confusion . . . but Divine support. I needed Divine clarity. The best way I know to do this is through ceremony . . . and it was full moon, a perfect day for ceremony.
Fast forward to later in the day, just before my ceremony . . .
I was organizing my office and in need of a binder. I did not really want to purchase one and was hoping I could repurpose an old one. I have about 20 different binders filled with materials from programs and workshops I have taken over the past decade. So I opened my closet door and there it was nicely labeled and full of materials from the many ways I was previously involved in this event. For years this binder has sat untouched, yet I kept thinking I just may want to reference it again someday . . . but on this day, as I looked at it on my shelf, I knew it was time to let it go.
I took the binder out of my closet. It was heavy . . . not just physically, but energetically. A beautiful white, 3″ binder filled with 2 years of notes and reflections about my most sacred self . . . a 2 year journey of self discovery. It contained ideas, pictures, inspirations, and visions for my life and my business. It contained stories. And it contained a vision for my life that surprisingly has already come to pass.
As I flipped through the contents, I realized my full moon ceremony was going to be about honoring and letting go of the pages in this binder . . . that I would be celebrating who I had become as a result of that sacred journey.
I took the heavy binder outside with me and set up my ceremonial garden for a fire ceremony.
As I stepped into ceremony I could feel the waffle of indecision throughout my body begin to settle into a place of trust. I was inviting support. I was inviting clarity.
With each page I skimmed through my writings and called forward the parts of myself that emerged and strengthened as a result of this journey. I honored them. I celebrated them.
It took me nearly an hour to move through the entire binder. One hour seems so small next to the two years of content in this binder, but as I let it all go I felt myself reviewing those two years with so much love and admiration for my willingness to take that journey. For my willingness to open my heart. And for my willingness to be seen by myself. Yes, as I reviewed and burned these pages I saw how much I have grown and changed since then.
Shortly after finishing the fire ceremony four things happened.
1. I received an invitation to speak at another event. I felt like this was yet another nudge in the direction of being seen, an affirmation that it is time . . . no more hiding. I realized that prior to the ceremony there was a part of me that still felt like a student. And as a student, I was not ready to step forward and say yes to this new level of involvement, to say yes to being seen in this way. By letting go of the contents in that binder I let go of seeing myself as the student and created space to stand wholly in who I am.
2. A registration came in for one of my summer workshops . . . I felt like this was inviting me to let go of my money worries.
3. I discovered that I converted currencies backwards and my initial estimate was 25% off in the wrong direction . . . I had added 25% to my costs when really my costs were going to be 25% less. Whoa . . . this alleviated my money worry even more!
4. Chris let me know that he would rather not travel with me for this event. While I was disappointed we would not be going together, I understood. He would be hanging out alone while I was working for 4 days . . . and well he, would much prefer 4 days solo in the garden. Traveling alone meant I would fly and flying also shortened up my travel time.
As my time and money worries were alleviated (almost immediately following my fire ceremony) I was able to see the deeper worry they were masking . . . I was able to see just how worried I was about being seen in this way . . . how worried I was about standing in my truth, and about stretching myself beyond my current comfort. That is a fear I am ready to face.[feature_box style=”1″ only_advanced=”There%20are%20no%20title%20options%20for%20the%20choosen%20style” alignment=”center”]
Bringing this home . . . Creating Crystal Clarity Through Ceremony
There are many amazing processes and techniques for ceremony. (Here are some other blog posts you may want to check out with regards to ceremonies: Living Your Passion Spring Equinox Ceremony, Taking a Leap Ritual, Ceremony and Your Sacred Path, Summer Solstice Celebration Rituals) But there is no absolute right process . . . what is most important is how you show up for your ceremony.
1. Have a crystal clear intention. I entered this ceremony with the simple intention of making a clear and empowered decision with regards to this opportunity. That intention was crystal clear. It was focused. As you enter your own ceremonies, keep your intentions simple too. A simple intention creates space for powerful insights, a-ha’s, and incredible clarity.
2. Surrender – Let go of control. When we show up for ceremony we need to let go of the outcome. We are handing over all of our emotion, our worries, our fears, and our desires and in the process we are creating space for an outcome that is in our highest good, and the highest good of all involved.
When I began this ceremony I brought with me all of my many questions. Of course, I wanted to say yes to this opportunity, but I also knew that it may not be the right time for me to say yes. If it was, I wanted indisputable clarity. I wanted to feel confident about my decision regardless of the outcome: yes or no.
Ceremony is not a process for manipulating outcome or agenda. It is a process for letting go of all outcome and agenda. This is where true power lies . . . in creating space for highest good of all to flow.
3. Show up with reverence. Ceremony is a time for inviting connection with the Divine and with all of life. When we show up in humility in full honor of how who we are and what we do ripples through life we invite the crystal clarity we desire.
4. Honor your clarity with action. When insights and guidance come through sometimes we doubt or question. Sometimes we pause with following through on our guidance . . . we offer lots of seemingly good reasons to wait. When we ask for guidance and we will receive it and it is up to us what comes next.
When I asked for time to make my decision I asked for 5 days. My ceremony happened on day 2. Each of the four insights I received came within 1 hour . . . yet I still wanted to sleep on it feeling like I would still wait until Friday to make my decision. But I already knew my answer. It was clear. Waiting would have been dishonoring the clarity. It would have been dishonoring the Divine support that came through in my life.[/feature_box]
Ceremony is a central part of my life. Every time I step into ceremony I am amazed by how powerfully it transforms old stories and beliefs into new and empowering ways of being. I am amazed by the insight and awareness that seems to flow through effortlessly. And I am amazed by how beautifully it brings alignment to my life.
I would love to invite you to create your own ceremony for clarity around what is weighing heavy on your heart or mind . . . and then share! Tell us what unfolded for you!
And if feels right for you, I would love for you to join me this summer for one of my garden series workshops . . . we will be diving deep into ceremony! Learn more here: https://loriaandrus.com/2015-summer-garden-series/
I wish you a beautiful day!